Have you ever had food poisoning? Your infected intestines get your stomach so bloated that you can’t burp or fart. You feel pain and useless, just like a loveless marriage poisoned with resentment, and a lack of love and respect for each other.
Looking for loveless marriage help? There is a way out. It is not as easy as popping an antibiotic for food poisoning though. If you want to bring joy and love back in your marriage, then this is the post for you.
The Crazy Cycle
You already know what a loveless marriage looks like. From fierce fighting, breaking plates to days with deafening silences. No sex life balance for months! and that irritable vibe which comes to shore as soon as you see your partner’s face.
The crazy cycle is like a dark hole and you keep sinking deeper and deeper until you think you can’t take it anymore. The stories of lonely wives and frustrated husbands all start with a crazy cycleare a result of little everyday things you do that poison your marriage.
Little Everyday actions that Poison Your Marriage
You make grand plans about your wedding day, the reception, the outfits, the beauty parlor. You think about the cutlery, the cake and everything that goes into making your wedding day perfect. How many of us really get down and plan for a great marriage? I never did. Somewhere, somehow the crazy cycle began when you:
Take your spouse for granted
Whether it is an arranged marriage or love marriage, you assume it will be happily ever after, right? I didn’t think about my marriage at all. Since I knew my partner for over six years before the wedding, I assumed he would know what I need from our marriage and it will just happen like in the movies.
Backseat Drive, all the time!
Once you live with each other, the truth is revealed and you want to take total control of your spouse’s life. Hang the towel up on the door, switch the lights off; don’t take this road, take the other route. Slowly but surely, you sit there and become a nagging mother to your husband.
You wonder why your constant requests of “doing things your way” are falling on deaf ears. You are only trying to help your husband become better, right? But he is not listening! So you say it one time and then you repeat the request over and over again, and now you’re nagging.
Insulting and belittling your spouse
Since nagging didn’t work, you think to yourself, a great way to get his attention is to insult him. Maybe then he will understand what a useless person he is and doesn’t listen. You don’t care who is listening or watching, you say mean things and insult your spouse to get his attention.
Does this work for you? It did not work for my marriage.
We cannot expect a husband to be loving to a wife, who doesn’t respect him. If you want to fix a loveless marriage, you need to understand that men and women are wired differently; their needs are different and go from there.
Wife needs LOVE, Husband needs RESPECT
After six years of marriage and poisoning it with my ignorant behavior, the Love & Respect book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs changed everything for the better!
The crazy cycle is his concept and his book describes, in great detail, about how to fix a loveless marriage. There are separate chapters for men and women. The theme circles around this Bible verse where God says it all in a simple sentence.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)
The author describes specific ways to say, think or do, to practice love and respect in your marriage. There is also an inventory for husbands and wives. A special section is dedicated on how to ask your mate to meet your needs and what if your husband is a workaholic. Great book! Get it now.
God’s design for marriage
God has revealed so many wonderful things in the Bible and the love and respect connection is one of the wisest commands for coping with a loveless marriage.
Go ahead, ask your husband “which would you prefer, me saying I love you or me saying I respect you” Your husband will pick respect 100 percent.
When you are too busy trying to control your spouse’s behavior, you miss the many opportunities to do things right yourself.
The change starts with You and once you know God.
You can say, how can you respect this man when he doesn’t love me? He doesn’t deserve my attention. Why should I go wax and feel the pain to look good for him? He doesn’t even care.
You know who cares? God. That’s why he sent his Son who died, felt the pain for useless people like me, when I didn’t care about God. So I need to do it for God because He loved me first. Best decision I ever made for my marriage!
I’m happy that God is revealing His truth to me in such special ways, making my marriage and, my life better, one day at a time. He can do this and more, for you too.