Have you ever had food poisoning?
Your stomach is bloated, you can’t burp, can’t pass gas. It’s painful, exhausting, and you feel useless.
A loveless, broken marriage poisoned with resentment feels the same way.
We spend so much time planning a perfect wedding—the outfits, makeup, invitations, cake—but how many of us plan for a great marriage?
I never did.
Especially after I came to Christ, life’s truths started bubbling up, and I realized marriage requires constant care.
Feeling Wounded and Helpless in Your Marriage?
I’ve been there.
Over the last few years, God has shown me ways that helped my marriage heal.
It wasn’t as easy as popping an antibiotic, but if you want to bring joy and love back into your marriage, this post is for you.
Everyday Actions That Poison Your Marriage
Knowledge is power.
You can’t bandage a wound if you don’t know where it is.
Taking Your Spouse for Granted
Whether it’s love or arranged, many assume marriage will be “happily ever after.”
I knew my husband for six years before marriage, so I assumed he would know what I needed. People change, grow, and evolve.
If we don’t keep up, we “vibe differently.”
Backseat Driving
Living together reveals the real us.
We start controlling:
“Don’t hang the towel there.”
“Switch off the lights.”
“Take the other way.”
Slowly, without realizing it, we turn into a nag no one wants to be around.
Constant Nagging
Your “helpful reminders” fall on deaf ears.
You repeat them 87 times, each with more frustration, and now it’s nagging.
“It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.”
— Proverbs 21:9
Insulting and Belittling
You say mean things, even in public, to get their attention. You speak loudly just to be heard.
It doesn’t work. I learned the hard way.
We can’t expect a husband to be loving to a wife who doesn’t respect him.
Men and women are wired differently, and marriage thrives when we understand and honor that.
The Crazy Cycle
A loveless marriage feels like a dark hole.
Fighting, breaking dishes, days of silence, no intimacy for months, living on edge.
That hate and anger rush in every time you see your spouse’s face, and it only gets worse.
This crazy cycle starts with everyday habits we often don’t realize we’re doing.
I learned this from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book on Love & Respect.
Right Actions Lead to Right Feelings
“How can I respect a man who doesn’t love me?”. I make all this effort and he doesn’t even care.
“He doesn’t deserve it.”
You know who cares? God cares about you. I am inspired by Romans 12:19-21. This verse teaches me to respond with kindness, not revenge, even when it’s hard.
Why Forgive?
- Forgiveness can break the cycle and lead to healing.
- It may make your spouse reflect and change. (movie Fireproof!)
- Retaliation hurts you too.
- Even if they don’t change, forgiveness frees you from bitterness.
Forgiveness is both attitude and action. When i find it difficult to feel forgiving toward someone I start with kind actions:
- Smile.
- Offer to help.
- Pray for your spouse.
You may find that the right actions lead to the right feelings.
The book Love Languages helped me understand how I feel loved, how my husband feels loved, and how my children feel loved too.
Obedience Brings Blessings
“Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”
— Luke 11:28
1. Obedience in Small Things
I used to comment on his driving and make sarcastic comments.
After 10yrs of marriage, now I’ve stopped. No, he will not get any more snarky comebacks from me.
My silence was confusing for him at first, then we both noticed we were fighting less, and became more courteous, using “please” and “thank you.”
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
— Romans 12:10
2. Obedience Benefits Others
When I’m stressed, the whole house feels it.
By following Romans 12, forgiving, and doing what’s right, I bring peace to my home, which benefits everyone, including me.
3. Obedience Brings Peace
“And may the Lord reward you for your kindness to your husbands and to me.”
— Ruth 1:8
Kindness is hard, especially after a fight.
It took everything in me to ask, “Are you hungry? Can I make you something?” the morning after a terrible fight.
But it brought peace and opened the door to better days.
Wife Needs Love. Husband Needs Respect.
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
— Ephesians 5:33
Ask your husband, “Would you rather I say I love you or that I respect you?”
Reading Love & Respect took me four years (oops), but it changed my perspective. The book shows what to say, think, and do to build love and respect in a struggling marriage.
God is revealing His truth to me daily, making my marriage, my life, and my children’s lives better.
He can do this for you too.
Has This Helped You?
Let me know if this post encourages you.
Thank you for reading.