Born in a Catholic family, I knew Christ only at the age of 26.
Before I Accepted Christ (or gave Him complete control)
I went through a dark struggle of shame and disgrace after I was sexually abused as a child. I could never discuss it with my parents. The relationship with my mother was so strained. As a teenager, I was vulnerable to older men who preyed on me. Somewhere along the line, I got my security of happiness through sex addiction which led to an abortion at 16. I just couldn’t forgive myself. The shame and guilt I felt as a child came flooding back. To numb that pain, substance abuse was go-to for me.
As the years passed, I made one bad decision after another. I went into credit card debt to look good on the outside, all the while avoiding real problems on the inside – an eating disorder, the drug addiction, depression, isolation, a recluse on purpose. I was living dysfunctional life, detached from all friends and family. Yoga, positive thinking, self-esteem, astrology, numerology, angel therapy, “the secret” power of attraction… I tried all the new age advice to find peace and forgiveness but nothing helped my shame and the pain of guilt.
Between all this, I was forced to marry at 24 yrs. I wasn’t prepared for this new life. To let my in-laws down with my detached behavior was the worst; I cut all my long curly hair. couldn’t do laundry, couldn’t cook, or keep house neat, nothing I did was good enough. At this point, I was so frustrated with this newlywed life that I was almost suicidal.
That’s where God found me!
Hoping to get help by helping others I volunteered at Connecting NGO, a Suicide Prevention helpline in Pune. The manager there was a believer, Bobby Zachariah. One day during a shift we got talking about God and the way he spoke about God Blew Me Away. Bobby spoke about God as though he knew Him. I wanted to know God like that. But did God want someone as disgraced as me? I wondered… but something kept me moving forward in faith.
How I Received Christ (or gave Him complete control)
All this was happening while I was working as a Corporate in an IT company. Coworkers saw me as the most positive, infectious person around; I made everyone happy :) I was smiling but crying on the inside. Nobody knew. So when I needed a team member, Bobby from the suicide helpline referred Jess, another fellow believer. I hired him and in the months that followed, I was a horrible boss taking out my personal life’s frustrations on Jess.And Jess? He always had that smile, he was always kind and patient with my first-time lady boss tantrums. In reality, Jess was speaking the gospel to me with his actions! He showed me what a true Christian lives like!
I thought to myself if Jess can be so kind and forgiving to me in spite of my transgressions against him at work, how much more loving and forgiving is God? Everything nudged me to open the Bible to know more. I bought my first Bible and devoured it from Page 1. That’s when I started to understand God’s master plan. Did you know? Every story from the Old Testament to the New points to Christ! As a Lit-grad I was amazed at how beautifully interwoven all these stories were. But not just stories, the Bible was more than self-help, it was alive with God’s words to me!
After I Accepted Christ (or gave Him complete control)
I felt sorry for how irresponsible I had been to my body and the life God had so graciously given to me. He forgave me through Jesus’ work on the cross and I could feel a snuggly hug, a warm embrace coming from God every time I spent quiet time or prayed to Him. We became friends, but more than that, God became my forgiving, comforting, loving, father I always wished I had.
With the personal relationship with God established, it was easy to kick my 10-year drug habit immediately. According to the scriptures Isaiah 59:21, when the Holy Spirit dwells within his people, they change. Their former desires no longer entice them; now their chief aim is to please God. We who are Christians today are the heirs of this prophecy; we are able to respond to God’s will and distinguish between good and evil because the Holy Spirit dwells within us. (John 14:26; Philippians 2:13; Hebrews 5:14)
…and within a month or so I conceived my firstborn. We responded to God’s will for us to have a baby. This was very surprising to us because we’ve been sexually active for 9yrs and never got pregnant before this. We never planned for a baby or discussed it. But the desire to want one at the same time, without discussion, was no coincidence. Be fruitful and multiply, God said to me in Genesis 1:28 Children are a reward, He said in Psalm 127:3 I quit my corporate job to Lok after my baby and start blogging. I was out of work so then God led me to Freelance Writing from home! I started blogging, He led me to Instagram and here we are.
Even after we had parted ways from work, Jess was instrumental in my spiritual life. Jess suggested I join a bible-believing church called Marg, Pune. Praise God for friends like him! With the newfound fellowship, I finally understood how indebted I am to Christ. He rid of all my pain, shame and disgrace. So I accepted Christ to be the Lord of my life and was baptized in 2015.
The 180 now!
Does this make me a better person now? YES!! I am almost debt-free, run a successful business out of my home. Have the most loving three daughters! Those are my greatest accomplishments after Christ.But I’m not perfect. I still struggle every day with my temper, communication (oh boy! being a Christian is not easy!) to perform all earthly roles; to be an understanding wife, manage my finances, but only with His grace! Now I dedicate my life to Jesus!
If you see an ounce of goodness in me, know that it’s HIM, not me.
My focus now is to bring my children up to be women of God too, be the Proverbs 31 wife, have David’s heart and a woman who is a light in the darkness just like Christ. John 1:5 And I want to do this because Christ loved me first, took my shame and restored my relationship with God.
Let all glory to be God!
Thank you for reading