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Can’t burp, Can’t fart stuck in a Broken Marriage

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Have you ever had food poisoning? The infected intestines bloat stomach so much that you can’t burp can’t fart. It’s painful and you feel useless. Very much like a loveless broken marriage poisoned with resentment, and a lack of love and respect.

We make grand wedding party plans; the outfits, hair and makeup. You think about the cutlery, the cake, the fonts on your wedding invitations. We focus on everything that goes into making your wedding day perfect. How many of us really get down and plan for a great marriage? I never did. Especially after I came to Christ, life’s little truths starting bubbling up to me.

Are you feeling wounded and helpless, also? The last few years I found a few ways that helped my marriage heal. It is not as easy as popping an antibiotic for food poisoning though. If you want to bring joy and love back into your marriage like I did, then this is the post for you. 

Little Everyday actions that Poison Your Marriage

Knowledge is power they say. So the only way to control problems is to find out the triggers, the pattern. Afterall, where will you put the bandage if you don’t know where the wound is!

Taking your spouse for granted

Whether arranged or love marriage, you assume it will be happily ever after, right? Since I knew my partner for over six years before the wedding, I assumed he knows what I need and it will just happen like in the movies. I took him and myself for granted because people change, they grow as the age. We need to keep up with those changes or we “vibe different”!

Backseat Drive, all the time!

Its only after living together, the rose-tinted glasses wear off. The truth of who you really are, who your spouse is, is reflected and revealed back to you. You want to take total control of your spouse’s life. Don’t hang the towel on the door, switch the lights off; don’t take this road, take the other route. Slowly but without realizing, you sit there and turn into a nag that nobody likes to be around. 

Constant Nagging 

Wonder why constant “requests” are falling on deaf ears. You are only trying to help your husband become better, right? But he is not listening! Repeat the request 87 times over and over, each time with a little more hate inside, and now you’re officially nagging. The bible says Proverbs 21:9:

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic
    than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.

Insulting and belittling your spouse

By this time, you don’t care who is listening or watching you both fight. You say mean things and insult your spouse (even in public or at parties!) to get his attention. Does this work for you? It did not work for my marriage. We cannot expect a husband to be loving to a wife, who doesn’t respect him. To fix a loveless marriage, admit that men and women are wired differently; their needs are different, the way we think or perceive are different. Unless otherwise established, men and women in a marriage may not have the same inner values too.

Crazy Cycle in a Broken Marriage

You already know what a loveless marriage looks like. From fierce fighting, breaking dishes mid-fight, rolling over to days with deafening silences. No sex for months! Living each minute on edge. That hate and anger rushing to the shore as soon as you see your partner’s face. It just gets worse everyday. The crazy cycle is like a dark hole and you keep sinking deeper and deeper until you think you can’t take it anymore. The stories of lonely wives and frustrated husbands all likely start with a crazy cycle; a result of little everyday things you do, perhaps even unintentionally. I learned this concept from this book by Dr.Emerson Eggrichs.

Right Actions Lead to the Right Feelings

How can you respect a man who doesn’t love you? He doesn’t deserve my attention. Why should I go wax my body and feel pain to look good for him? He doesn’t even care. You know who cares? God cares about you. I am inspired by Romans 12:19-21, and this is what it says in my study Bible. When someone hurts you deeply, instead of giving him what he deserves, Paul says to befriend him. Why does Paul tell us to forgive our enemies?

  • Forgiveness may break the cycle of retaliation and lead to mutual reconciliation.
  • Making the enemy feel ashamed and change his or her ways. (the movie Fireproof!)
  • By contrast, repaying evil for evil hurts you just as much as it hurts your enemy.
  • Even if they never repents, forgiving him or her will free you of a heavy load of bitterness.

Forgiveness involves both attitudes and actions. If you find it difficult to feel forgiving toward someone who has hurt you, try responding with kind actions. When appropriate, tell this person you would like to heal the relationship. Lend a helping hand. Send him or her a gift. Smile at him or her. Many times you will discover that the right actions lead to right feelings. The book Love Languages helped me identify how I like to feel loved, how my husband prefers love, how children like to feel loved also.

I do it for God, because He loved me first. This kind of obedience always brought blessings to me at least. See “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” — Luke 11:28

3 Reasons why Christian Obedience Brings Blessings

Article drawn from The Charles F. Stanley Life Principles Bible, 2nd Edition, NIV

  1. Obeying God in small matters is an essential step in receiving God’s greatest blessings.

When I’m too busy trying to control my husband’s behavior, I miss many opportunities to do things right myself. After 10yrs of marriage, I now have stopped commenting on his driving skills. I am conscious about what I say to him, especially in front of our children. I have decided to stop making sarcastic remarks. No, he will not get any more snarky comebacks from me. My silence was confusing for him at first, then we both noticed we are fighting less. We are more courteous to each other now, marked with pleases and thank yous too! Like Romans 12:10 says, “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

2. Our Obedience always benefits others.

After 10yrs of marriage, I have finally accepted my role as a wife. After 7yrs of being a mother, I realise how important my position is as a mother. On my stressful days, my whole household is stressed also. The energy in the house is so tense, even the baby! Now, when I remind myself of Romans 12, my obedience of forgiving and doing the right things for my family benefits them so much. My house is clean, everyone is joyful and relaxed. This God’s blessing, in turn, is enjoyable for me!

3. When we obey God, we will never be disappointed.

I was deeply moved when I read this verse from the Book of Ruth 1:8 “And may the Lord reward you for your kindness to your husbands and to me.” Kindness is difficult at first. For example, after the night’s terrible fight, it took everything to ask my husband in the morning, “are you hungry, can I make you something?”. He would say no, because he doesn’t eat breakfast anyway but I know he noticed that I asked. It gets easier with practice but truly, only good peaceful days followed for me.

Wife needs LOVE, Husband needs RESPECT

God has revealed so many wonderful things from the Bible already. The love and respect connection is one of the wisest commands for coping with a loveless marriage. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)  Go ahead, ask your husband “which would you prefer, me saying I love you or “I respect you”.

It took me 4yrs to read this book (oops!) So glad I did now though. The author shares what to say, think, and practice love and respect in your loveless marriage. There is also an inventory for husbands and wives. I especially loved the section dedicated to workaholic husbands. There are separate chapters for men and women. Great book! Get it now. See more of my favorite books here.

I’m happy that God is revealing His truth to me in other special ways too, making my marriage and, my life better, my children’s lives better one day at a time. He can do this and more, for you too. Let me know if this post helped you in anyway. Leave a comment below.

Thank you for reading!

This is my first blog in this series.

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31 thoughts on “Can’t burp, Can’t fart stuck in a Broken Marriage

  1. What an article! So much humility displayed in your actions that made a such huge change and so much more to be able to share these experiences! Great work Liz, both with this article and in the growth of your marriage!

  2. Great insights! We need more of this perspective and thinking in the blogosphere. It is helpful and encouraging- keep the blog submissions coming please!

  3. Beautiful words. Working on loving oneself by being able to forgive and learn to truly love others creates a beautiful life for us and around us.

  4. Very heartfelt and truthful. So many times we get wrapped up in vane things . Wedding planning and forget to plan for what truly matters . Thank you for the wonderful tips. You are 100% right we can do so many things to harm our relationships, but when we rely in a higher power and give the man his role and the woman assumes her roll in the marriage. The relationship starts to flourish . Thank you for all your wisdom.

  5. God is great for pulling me to read this post of yours and bringing you as a messenger to tell me this….its what I needed to know.

  6. Well put Liz, not many talk about this side of marriage. I could relate to some points mentioned. It is true when they say marriage is work but it is good work.

  7. Hey lizz I feel like I was on same boat when I was broken people around me was like agg mein ghee dalna I run from my home so many times I wanna kill me self but I see my kids face but now I healed it takes me 8 years to accept my husband because I was leftover for my ex bf and I thought all the men are same that ruin my marriage but now we are happy and healing ❤️‍🩹

  8. Such brave and honest words Liz. My husband of 36.5 years and I take couples through a marriage course prior to their marriage. One of the things we impress upon them is that love is a CHOICE! It’s not just those romantic feelings. They don’t last. They come and go. But you can CHOOSE TO LOVE. it’s not always been an easy 36.5 years. There have been times when I thought I would die of lonliness and sadness. But God filled my heart when my husband couldn’t and through it all we chose to love. God bless you my friend.

  9. You wrote this beautifully! I love how you quoted Bible verses. And everyone can relate to it. Praying that God uses you more and more❤️Keep inspiring. God bless!! Can’t wait to read more of your blogs.

  10. I just wonder seeing you and your understanding with god daily. I learnt and learning many things from you. Thanks for the Bible it’s helps me to understand Bible more. I love to read more content like this

  11. Beautifully written.
    It’s so important expectations, dreams, life goals are conveyed and discussed prior to marriage. Actually talking is so important soeacilaly in a love marriage because expectations are expected from your spouse automatically. Who will do the laundry and cleaning, where are towels kept – Petty but so important.

  12. I am 5 years into my marriage and I can relate to every bit of a rebellion that I’m putting up against my husband, but god is teaching me continuously on how to be a better wife and a mother and keep the environment happy

  13. But isn’t a compromise a two way street? If dissatisfaction runs two ways so should the efforts…only then u know it’s worth saving.Something valuable to u but not to the other will always cause an imbalance and as it has been felt n acknowledged once it wod make living tough.Thats d reason many live in denial…98% of marriages are a struggle.And now more so as women can recognize d imbalance.Tough place…love n courage…

    1. It’s not our place to judge others – focus on your self – like I mentioned in the blog and see the magic happen! Like right here – if I wasn’t open to this discussion you wouldn’t have been comfortable to leave a comment for me at all 😊 I worked on myself that drew you to me 🥲👻 perspective, no? That’s all I’m saying here. We can discuss about all that what you said but it’s not productive discussion – it doesn’t change anyone else.

      1. True…but unlike other spheres of ones life…marriage is all about team work, partnership n companionship.It wod finally take two to make it work n keep d love-respect balance.N yes,sometimes one person doin an extra mile could help (assuming the relation is important for both the parties).
        A judgement is often one sided.Where one passess an opinion without empathy.Here however you play both the parts-spectator and participant and are involved through n through…Difficult to judge easy to feel…(ps- in d end one finally goes to the judge to get an ultimate fix 😅)

      2. Eye opening article Liz. Married my boyfriend last June. Going through all these after marriage. Bf gf phase is a different story and husband n wife is another level of understanding n misunderstandings . And top of that husbands joint family adds a lot of discomfort for a introvert person like me.
        I absolutely needed this article . Thank you so much. Definitely will read recommended books .❤️
        I hope life will be happier after making little changes in me than expecting someone else to change.

  14. Hey Liz! Thank you sharing. My best wishes to you on your big move. Sending Love and Blessings your way.

  15. Very beautiful narration..i can easily connect to incidents in my marraige life..learning a lot from u..kudos liz

  16. Superb blog… inspired me too to take a step for the betterment of my marriage life.. thanks for sharing. Write more to inspire us more..

  17. Its beautiful and amazing , it takes a lot of healing and courage to write down so much .
    Thanks for inspiring and teaching us , and altogether giving a different aspect to how we can deal with things in marriage. .

  18. Thank you so much, Liz, for sharing on this very sensitive subject. It’s so brave of you to do that, to “put your self out there” . I appreciate it alot ❤️🙏🏻 I’m in a period of lots of grief and stress right now, and sometimes it effects my family negatively. I love them so much and I don’t wanna hurt them, I just don’t know what to do sometimes. So, this will help me so much, to treat them in a better way. Thank you! 🙏🏻

  19. “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” – 1 Timothy 2:12

    1. We need to be so careful of taking verses out of context – especially something like this. Here’s what i found:

      Some interpret this passage to mean that women should never teach in the assembled church; however commentators point out that Paul did not forbid women from ever teaching. Paul’s commended co-worker Priscilla, taught Apollos, the great preacher (Acts 18:24-26). Paul frequently mentioned other women who had positions of responsibility in church. Phoebe worked in the church. Mary, Tryphena, Tryphosa and Persis were the Lord’s workers (Romans 16:6,12) as were Euodia and Syntche women (Philippians 4:2). Paul was very likely prohibiting the Ephesian women, not all women, from teaching.

      Paul did not want the Ephesian women to teach because they didn’t yet have enough knowledge or experience. The Ephesian churches had a particular problem of false teachers. Evidently the women were especially susceptible to the false teachings (2 Timothy 3:1-9) because they did not yet have biblical knowledge to discern the truth. In addition, some f the women were apparently flaunting their newfound christian freedom by wearing inappropriate clothing (2:9) Paul was telling Timothy not to put anyone (in this case women) into a position of leadership who was not yet mature in their faith. The same principles applies to church today.

  20. Liz, I can imagine how it must have felt to put it out there,baring your soul. But every word makes sense. There comes a time where we all take our respective spouses for granted..
    I never thought of searching for help in the Bible, thinking I can figure it out myself with my ” great education” and “wisdom”!

    How naive, right?

    Thanks dear for having the guts to put it up. God bless your marriage and your family and everyone who reads your blog

  21. Very thoughtful and to the point as always.. and a deep thought i would.. this was all together different perspective for me..

  22. Wonderfully put together Liz. It helped me to change my perspective from what I should expect to what I can offer ❤️

  23. Wonderfully put together Liz. It helped me to change my perspective from what I should expect to what I can offer ❤️ 🤩

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